Living with Autism

Down low

It is a beautiful start to the day and my girl friend confirms this and wishes me a good morning too, after I share that pretty photo of my sun rise with her as she begins her morning routine.

I type this while eating my breakfast to the smooth sound of easy pop and rock playing in a wonderfully relaxed and comfortable hotel restaurant.

My job doesn’t often take me away from home and pays me well by all accounts. It gives me flexibility and time to spend with my two darling kids when I want and with all this in mind, I should rightfully feel happy.

I don’t fell happy, I feel the lowest I have felt in probably all my life.

I have best friends that look after me and I talk to daily but it’s not enough. I need more help than just talking can provide. I need a plan to keep going.

I wonder why I feel so low and my life turned into something I am starting to believe I should stop trying to do.

My girl friend is suffering from depression and is feeling overwhelmed by my attention and communication requirements, so I wonder what I am doing wrong and if I can change.

My ex-wife pushes my buttons and does her best impression of a mean person while my solicitors don’t read all my emails and ask for increasingly large amounts of money.

This is while my side hustle turns into a growing concern where I stand to make little to no money as I get others involved in delivering my services for me. Growing pains perhaps but at a time of cash flow restrictions and increasing personal costs it is becoming a little too much.

Perhaps there is another way of looking at it.

My girl friend still wants to be with me and make an effort to understand my condition while she is going through an episode of depression herself.

My ex-wife is upset but has no legal footing and her threats are empty, never to be fulfilled.

The side hustle has potential and shows demand, I just need to negotiate a better deal with my engineers and adjust my pricing slightly. Something I always said will happen as I grow it.

So I should be happy now, right?

“Perhaps” is the best answer I have for you right now. I am on my way to work and hope to be distracted by a job that doesn’t fulfill me, dreaming of what life I should be living…

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